A lesson in how to shock your superiors
by Rhin Ariel
Summary: A simple and easy guide for everyone. Some established ships.


A piece of slightly odd fanfic that I had buzzing around in my head for a while. Established John/Elizabeth ship and Teyla/Someone.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would have seen 'The Long Goodbyr' by now!

A lesson in how to shock your superiors

_Welcome to this quick and easy guide in how to shock your superiors. If you follow these seven simple steps you should be able to achieve the desired effect. Enjoy._

Elizabeth sat down in the office. She watched as General Landry sat down opposite her. He smiled at her.

"So, what do want to tell me?"

(Step one. Wait until he/she is sat down, then tell them something that will make them stand up again, e.g. you want a divorce or you're pregnant.)

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

The General jumped up out of his seat and stared at her. They'd only been gone two and a half years. He hadn't realised people had begun to settle down.

"I'm expecting a child."

"Yes, yes. I know what pregnant means. Next you'll be telling me you're married."

(Step two. Tell them something they clearly don't want to hear, e.g. if they say 'next you'll be telling me…' tell them it.)

"Actually I am."

The General met her eyes. She merely smiled back softly.

"How long?"

"Six months."

"And how far gone are you?"

"A few weeks."

"You found out on Earth?"

"No. Atlantis."

"You knew when you went through the Gate? We don't know what that will do to the unborn child."

(Step three. If you have done something that could be dangerous, make sure to point out other have done it, e.g. hang gliding or travelling through a wormhole while pregnant.)

"The child will be fine. We've had a few situations where this has happened. Teyla did it, and she gave birth to a perfectly healthy pair of twins."

"I can't believe you people would risk it! Wait, you're not the only one?"

"No."

The General could feel a headache coming on.

"A lot of others have settled down?"

(Step four. When asked questions, which you realise will cause problems, make sure to give an honest answer, e.g. how long is a piece of string, or how many people have married on a base in another galaxy?)

"Quite a few really. I hope that isn't a problem?"

"Why would it be a problem?"

Elizabeth smiled and sat back. She was beginning to feel quite comfortable. She'd been awake too long, and hadn't had any coffee in that time. However, the chair in this office was very soft and she could feel herself settling in already.

(Step five. Assert your authority over the situation at all times, e.g. explain why the situation is practical or tell them that you will remain in charge.)

"I intend to remain as leader of the expedition as long as I am pregnant, and after the child is born."

"You want to give birth on Atlantis?"

"Yes. Others have, and it is my home."

"You will take maternity leave?"

"Yes."

"Who will be in charge during that time?"

(Step six. If you are asked to suggest a name for an important job, make sure it is someone you know will not be considered the first choice, e.g. an incompetent fool or an insubordinate air force officer.)

"John Sheppard. He is the most qualified, and has a knowledge of Atlantis and it's workings to rival mine."

"We are talking about Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard?"

"Yes."

"Well, I guess I can't argue with you. It's clear you've already made you decision. Was there anything else?"

"No that's all. Thank you General."

Elizabeth stood up and shook the outstretched hand of the still standing General.

"Goodbye Doctor. And good luck."

She smiled, and began to leave the office. Just as she opened the door, the General spoke again.

"Out of interest, who are you married to?"

(Step seven. When leaving, make sure to deliver a final statement that will cause he/she to sit back down and place their head in their hands, e.g. you're leaving the country or you've married your second in command, who also happens to be a member of the US Air Force and is your replacement if anything happens.)

"John Sheppard."

With that, Elizabeth left the office without looking back.

General Landry sat back down heavily. With a sigh, he leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. Elizabeth Weir was a very clever woman, and he was sure she'd just set him up. If nothing else, she'd definitely left a lasting impression. Groaning, he leaned further forward and placed his head on the desk. That headache was becoming a migraine.

_Congratulations, if you have followed these seven easy steps, then you too will be able to successfully shock your superiors. Please note, that not all examples can be used without proper security clearance as well as access to top-secret military facilities. The writer takes no responsibility for any legal action taken or injuries sustained if you do attempt these examples. They are only designed to give a basic outline for people to follow. Thank you._


End file.
